ON-ONtario Deux L.O.C.T. & Loaded Remember the Date Tour

With Half a Mind and a full tank of gas I headed out on the “ON-ONtario Deux Aug 24-26 ~ Remember the Date Awareness L.O.C.T & Loaded Tour”. As a Marketer, I’m not crazy about the title name. It’s a bit long and unruly, but I also realize one’s critical information must go out first. So here I am bringing a message of awareness that the Second Annual Provincial Affair, the ON-ONtario Deux will be happening Aug 24-28 and to save the dates, to Kennels of drunken Half-Minds around Lake Ontario and beyond this past weekend.

My Lake Ontario Circumnavigation Tour or L.O.C.T. (& Loaded) began on a fiercely bitter night in Hogtown. As GynoMike so eloquently put it, the Hash with no toes, gathered at the Bar With No Name, (for the 355th Running of the TWAT). Hares: Trix Are For Pricks & Naughty Ways (ON-ONtario inaugural year participant!), assured us, “it wouldn’t be long”. How could it possibly in this cold? TWAT Founder and ON-ONtario inaugural year participant, Half Wit oversaw everything still flowed. Other Half-Minds (perhaps Quarter-Minds) too stupid to remain indoors included Natty Porn, SexTourist (ON-ONtario inaugural year participant!) and myself. We ran and ran, stopped momentarily and ran again for fear of freezing up. The BN marking was the first sign of redemption for this frozen shitty trail and the Lithuanian Social Club, a place to recover from onset hypothermia. Oh Toronto, you are so chill.

On on to Flour City where the temperatures hadn’t improved much. Regardless, I love this city and the Harriers in its Kennel! I seem to be continually drawn back. Rochester was the first place I travel Hashed when I was just a wee Hogtown piglet and remains a special place; unbelievable that was nearly twenty-five years ago. So it was cool to roll in and discover Flour City was having their first ever Masquerade Ball themed AGM this particular evening. Good thing I have a close Harrier friend who wasn’t attending, so I was able to borrow his mask and slip inside, incognito. What a great party! I’ve never had so much fun at an AGM! Home Blown did a great job as did anyone else who helped put the evening together! The Awards were a nice touch, and it was great to go back through the past year of Hashing with the slideshow! Kudos! It’s always great to see NachoBitch, (ON-ONtario inaugural year participant!) who’d just become a Grandfather two times over earlier in the week, (on New Years Eve then New Years Day!!! Wow!). Plus I’d be remiss if I didn’t give a shout out to Mudman! What a year he had celebrating his 1200th Trail. Thanks for spending half the night with me going through obscure verses from the Harrier songbook; we’re off to see the wild west show….

Enter Ithaca Screw Years, the first “official” event of the Harrier calendar year. It was fun arriving a little early with RobinWood and helping Butt Floss get prepared for the onslaught of Half-Minds. The weather had slightly warmed up by this point. That doesn’t do the situation justice. We weren’t as absolutely freaking cold at this point, but close. I’m not sure if it was wisdom? experience? or the fact that he slept in?

But ButtFloss set a brilliantly short trail, interspersed with, wait for it, four bars! Wow! Ithaca is always an adventure and a pleasure to meet new people as well hang with you all: DeBasement, Spluigi, Drunk In The Trunk and everyone else (a memory is a terrible thing to waste, a mammary is worse).

Up early and off to a different country: Quebec! (Ha ha ha, I know you’re chuckling, Goldenshowers). Montréal le magnifique. Montréal le très froid. Montréal comme je t’aime, déesse glaciale. D’accord, ça peut être un peu trop. Est-ce que quelqu’un peut me prendre une bière? I couldn’t get Raine Maida’s “Cold Winds of Montreal” song out of my head. It was downright cool to see everyone again, Draggin HerAss, Wet All Week, Boner & Hello Titty, Free Parking and of course our Hares: Tea Bagger & Silent But Deadly. Thanks for all the hashpitality Long & Gooey, you absolutely rock (très sympa)! Great meeting the Boston H3 visitors, may they rock Rwanda and the rest of north, east Africa on their next adventure!

And on on to the Nation’s Capital, Ottawa. The snow blowing between Montreal and Ottawa was insane, taking me twice the time to travel. Good thing I left early. This was the first run where temperatures had actually risen a decent amount, so it was actually noticeable. Obviously all praise must be awarded to reigning Religious Advisor, Backwash for a job well done! She even held of the snow until after trial! It was great to see other inaugural ON-ONtario Ottawa Harriers’ Have You?, Bullseye & Goldenshowers here again! Thanks as well to DownWind for haring a rather snowpacked shitty trail, lots of resistance as well, Just Mitch for giving me historical and architectural contexts along the way. Thank you too, Rideau Hall security, for allowing us to run away….

Finally a day of rest but not without Hashers. It was great to finally return to Hogtown in time to celebrate Knees2Please’s birthday with homie hounds Can Cum In My Mouth, Dual Shitizen, (all three ON-ONtario inaugural year participants!), Loopy and Cougar Bait plus Knees’ extended friends and family. Happy Birthday FU Knees2Please may you have a year of great health, creativity and much merriment!!!

So there you have it Half-Minds, the “ON-ONtario Deux Aug 24-26 ~ Remember the Date Awareness L.O.C.T & Loaded Tour” Hash Trash report. Now the Provincial Affair is less than nine months away! Remember to note the date, “final weekend in August” and book your space (as soon as we get the Rego up) or I’ll be forced to come and visit your Kennel again!

All the best for health and happiness throughout 2018!
Let’s make Hashing grate again!!! Rrrrr

On On,

PS. My apologies for some people’s Hash names I can’t remember; a Quarter-Mind is a terrible thing to waste!


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